Tuesday, January 20, 2009


As I get further into this supermom rule, I find myself stumped. I was hoping that maybe some of you out their could shed some light on this for me. As I was an only child, so this was never an issue for me at home, nor do I remember it being an issue at all. You'd have to ask my mom for that? Back on track, ok... I have 3 kids as most of you know. I have two girls 5 and 4 (well sage will be 4 in less than a month) and then I have a almost 7 yr old son.
My girls get along on some days, my youngest and her brother get along excellent... but my middle girl, and her brother fight like cats and dogs! No piece and quiet, everything we attempt to do together results in someone mad, or crying! I can understand the 3 of them not getting along well, as the 3rd wheel would come into play. Some of it is Rachel's need to compete with the other two as she feels being the middle child is some how unfair? But seriously! Is there someway, somehow, I can get them to learn how to get along, and treat each other with respect?? Instead of being rude, and mean to each other always? Most days I let the two little ones go at it, in hopes that they will work it out together. Other days I have to break them up before someone gets to mean and angry... It is so frustrating... as I just don't understand what I am doing wrong, and why they cannot for the life of them get along!!! Anyone, advice wanted.... Thanks in advance for any suggestions. :)


Martha said...

Don't have any advice, but I feel your pain! Tara is an only child, and I for all intents and purposes was an "only" child, as my siblings were older than me... but I do have a great nephew who is 18 mos older than Tara and for most Tara's life in PA, he either lived with us full time or at least on weekends and they fought all the time - everything had to be EQUAL - we had two of everything that they were both interested in and had to put their initials on each thing - oy vay... To this day they FIGHT like siblings when they are together. He comes to visit once sometimes twice a year for up to 3 weeks at a time, a reprieve from his home, and 2 brothers, You would think they could get along.... NO, they fight over the littlest things. It is always so frustrating to take them out, since they could never agree - one trip we barely left the house as they would never agree on where to go, and I would not take them out if one was unhappy. They would even argue about being in the pool! I know mine is not full time, but by the end of his visits, I am so thankful to be back to only one! (Not that an only doesn't have it's own set of issues!) I hope you can get some good advice!

Berry Patch said...

Not much help as my boys are driving me bonkers lately with their little nit-picky ways. There is a book out there called How to Make Brothers & Sisters Friends. I've heard good things about it. It's written by homeschooled siblings.

Tara said...

That's not a fun place to be. For us, the competitor is Gabi (the oldest). It would seem that no matter what the others did, she had to do it better - and be acknowledged for doing it better. If she thought anyone else was "topping her" (and that included in "bossing" everyone else around in game play and such) then she'd get mean and nasty and try to belittle the others or at least one-up them.

We've changed our focus from "equal praise" or "equal acknowledgment" to one of "self-challenge" and "understanding that we're all at different levels" and learning how to be happy for another's accomplishments.

Though it's not been easy, we've seen good results. It doesn't eliminate every problem - for sure - but I've noticed that the girls get along better and actually praise each other (something Beth was already good at) for the progress that they make.

I think the biggest thing is that if she needs to compete (some personalities do) then help her see ways that she can "better herself" whether it's in reading or simple math or getting better at a skill (this will also help her learn goal setting). And help her see the things that make her and Hunter different - but in wonderful special ways - and how those differences can work together to make good things happen.

They're different. They know it. So don't hide it - help them accept their differences in a positive way.

Hope that helps. If you want to talk more, feel free to email or call (I can always call you back as we have a unlimited long distance).